The Gift of Uncertainty

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ― Margaret Drabble

All we know in our lives is just a perception, an opinion and it's always based on our previous experiences. So I ask myself: is there anything absolute out there? Because circumstances define, things change in a heartbeat, people come into our lives and walk away.

But as it turns out, this uncertainty can be the biggest comfort. Everything is relative: by choosing to look at the bright, beautiful part of everything, to smile when the odds are against me, to laugh when things don't turn out the way I expected them to, I didn't ignore the realities of life. Instead I learned to enjoy surprises and just let go. Let go, because if it doesn't work out, it means something better will come along, as life has a wicked sense of humor.

Learning to enjoy uncertainty was not a cake-walk, but when I really understood, that everything is really possible, I felt like a kid in a candy shop (make it a marshmallow shop, just to be sure).

I'm writing this from the city that held the craziest surprises for me, the one I hated and loved while living here last year, but turned out that has given me the possibilities to the life I really wanted. It is one home away from home.

A great unknown song, one of my favorites, that expresses this idea perfectly. Change by White Plastic Tape.

Music is everything when all else is nothing

"When you're happy you enjoy the music, 
but when you're sad you understand the lyrics." - Frank Ocean

There are so many songs about music and how music can save lives. I think it's a tad over dramatic, but nobody can deny that music does help, sometimes when nothing else can: it can comfort us, express our joy, sadness or anger, is an outlet for our emotions, or help pick up the pieces. May I say, that music is like a quick in-house psychologist, just one click away.

My YouTube playlist is filled with songs that remind me of certain people, situations or places and when I play that exact song it's like traveling back in time and space, blown away from everything around me. I listen to music all the time and consciously use it for mood alteration: I ended up knowing myself and my taste so well, that when I feel a little blue, I know the exact songs or type of songs that will make me break out in a laugh in minutes.

The crazy thing is, that there are so few songs I actually know the lyrics of, by heart. So many of them are just feelings, memories and ideas, flouting around in my crazy universe that I so much enjoy. And the best songs of all are the ones that make chills run down my spine.

One of my personal favorites: it was a ray of light in a pretty challenging time.

NYE in Tiara

I saw the best Disney animation in a long long time, and it made me believe in magic again. I thought I have lost the ability to believe in fairy tales and wonderlands, and it seems all I needed was a beautiful story about two princesses, a reindeer and a crazy little snowman. After so long I ended up reacquainted with my inner child, and she danced and sang through the whole movie.

This is why I ended up wearing a tiara for 2 days during my New Year trip to the mountains. I looked silly, but I didn't care as it was a statement to myself: it doesn't matter how hard life tries to silence her, she will always find a way to stand up and dance. It was a long journey in the last year, filled with hope and accomplishment, dreams and disappointments, but most of all learning about who I really am, and what I really want.

2014 will be a great year, I'm sure of it. I have so much to learn, to see and to try out. I hope it will be as exciting as 2013 was, maybe with a little more happiness.

Can you fall in love with things?

             “You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.” ― Alec Waugh

I was wondering for sometime now: can you fall in love with places, songs, books or food just as you fall in love with a person?

I think I can, but it depends on how you define falling in love. Somehow falling in love with things replaced falling in love with people, lately, and I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing as I ended up appreciating lots of things I haven't payed attention to earlier.

I have this theory that every person is a bundle of love and needs to share this: with someone, on something and this is what sets you free. Holding on to it for yourself is what makes people bitter and sad, and who wants that? 

If you don't have a special someone, go find a hobby that you love passionately, a book to fall in love with, music that you can dance to as a crazy person. But above all, we should love our own lives, as imperfect as it may be. It's easy to love something that is perfect, but I never did like easy.

Since Saturday evening this is what I fell in love with:

Afternoon delight

It was an usual Saturday morning, but as a red blooded woman, after a week I was jonesing for some shopping. So I ventured into my favorite shops, tried on everything I liked and ended up with a few nice things. The novelty of it all is, that I'm learning I don't need friends to do the things I love. Me, myself and I is the only thing I need to be whole, and it's the best whole I ever had. 

I spent the afternoon eating a delicious salad, drinking my drug of choice.. rose, and taking a nap. The beauty may be in the simple things, but it takes some learning to appreciate them, at least for me.

It seems that everything is alright, after all. Growing as a person can take so many different forms, and sometimes I'm so proud of myself for doing it the right way. 

Finally I watched 500 days of Summer and fell inlove with it, new horizons, new horizons everywhere. World, here I come! 

Breakfast on the bridge

The weather keeps surprising me, or I continue surprising myself by liking this cloudy, rainy weather... Today I woke up with the urge to eat breakfast on the riverside, but by the time I got to the benches I decided I needed something a little more unusual, as lately I have this appetite for doing things a little on the crazy side... because I can, I guess.

So I walked to the middle of the bridge crossing over the Maros river and I ate my croissant watching the water, the fishermen and the swallows dancing in the air. People looked at me smiling, one old man even stopped for a few seconds, I guess he couldn't figure out why i was having breakfast there. The truth is I don't know either, I just felt like it.

Midway through my vanilla pastry I decided that from now on, every day I'm going to do some crazy little thing I haven't done before, as I need it to feel alive. The two things that make me feel more alive than anything is saltwater and the wind, hence the title of this blog.

May this be a wonderful experiment, silly new lifestyle or a crazy new road, but I'm planing on enjoying every minute of it, with wind in my hair, hopefully.