Lavande noir

"If I got rid of my demons, I'd lose my angels" - Tennessee Williams

Mon âme est une danse chaotique par des démons et des anges. Parfois, ils peuvent s'entendre sur les pas de danse et la musique, et parfois ils ont juste sauter autour de différents mélodies et s'amuser. Mais j'aime mes démons, car ils ont ce pouvoir inexplicable, mystique et magique, me montrant que je ne connaissais ou soupçonnés. Mes anges sont blancs et or, dansant autour dans les champs de lavande et de ne jamais juger, quand ils me voient attirés vers le côté obscur, parce qu'ils savent que les vérités sur moi.

J'aime mes anges , mais je suis tombé en amour avec mes démons. Je sais que le bien du mal et parfois je choisis sciemment de faire une promenade sur le côté sombre parce qu'il me donne le frisson, la connaissance interdite sur moi-même. C'est agréable d'être dans le lieu noir de mon esprit maintenant et puis. Il me donne le sentiment de pouvoir sur ma vie, l'esprit et les sentiments. Le prix est de laisser aller de la blanche et or, et la lavande, mais de se rappeler la route que je dois marcher en arrière sur mon propre. Démons seront toujours m'accompagner sur mon chemin vers le côté obscur, mais jamais sur le chemin du retour...

Je vais toujours choisir la lavande, sur le long terme, mais je n'abandonnerai jamais sur les promenades qui excitent mon esprit. Peut-être que je suis la plupart du temps un ange, mais j'ai besoin de mes démons pour me donner ce sentiment exquis je vais toujours chercher. 

The little word that can ruin so much

"She took a leap and built her wings on the way down" - David Brinkley

I love it when I can learn completely new things about myself, feeling like I just surprised myself with a hidden secret or an unexpected present, because the best thing we can do for our self is getting to know the real person, behind all the masks, social expectations and "should"s.

I said good-bye to "should"s a long time ago, when I realized that living by other peoples standard or giving into social expectations is the most reliable way to be unhappy, especially if you are a nonconformist person and a stubborn one, on top of that. All I should do now is what makes sense to me and makes me happy or serves a personal purpose. It doesn't get me a lot of admirers, but at least it is an authentic life: crazy, chaotic and lovely.Lately I'm all about pushing my boundaries, trying out all the unexpected things possible, just to see what I like and what is it, that really makes me tick. 

The best people are the ones who know you, or, if you are really lucky, understand how your inner mechanics work. I feel blessed, because I have a person like that in my life, and he is capable of confronting me with all the things I avoid so carefully, but I guess sharing a birthday does that to two people: they get to call you on your BS and point out your mistakes. So lets see if I can implement the advice I got.

In a nutshell here it is, the week that was hell on earth at work: steaks were raised, friendships consolidated with wine and good advice and limits pushed to the wild side, because above all, I want to feel alive. New things come into our lives, as we shove out the old, even if they are challenges of the size of a mountain, but I'm sure I will survive for 10 months.

How could I?

“How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.” ― Paulo Coelho

It's Monday morning, the sun is shining through my bedroom window, good music is playing and I'm about to go hold the most difficult training of my carrier. So basically, life is good!

As it turns out, once again I got disappointed by believing that there is good in people, even if they choose not to believe it about themselves. I sincerely believe, that if I treat people right, they will, at some point, treat others the same way. The world is really making it hard to keep at this, and it turns out that a twisted friend of mine was right: I am attracted to all the wrong kind of people.

But there are so many good things going on in my life, that one little disappointment doesn't count. I finally learned to skate, my social calendar is over-flooding with things to do, carrier-wise I am headed to great things and I am having the time of my life. And I will not give up on people, I just really need to choose them better, I guess. And stop with this bad-boy phase, it's getting old.

On the brighter side of things, I did fall in love this weekend once again.

The song that says it all: Sunrise Avenue - Welcome to My Life.